Just dropping by to say a lousy hello.

I do want to write down something here, but I just don't have the energy, or the solitude, to do that.

There just isn't this mad, gleeful sort of mood that compels me to write now, although that mood does come and go throughout the day. Words would just suggest themselves then, sort of segue/bubble into my consciousness. Nothing of that now, because I'm kind of tired. 

Oh, have I told you about my temporary insanity induced by reading Haruki Murakami? It was yesterday night, after reading about half of a short story of his, I got more angsty than I ought to about the fact that I have to take a taxi to a booksale. I don't know, it isn't that the subject matter is depressing, and I've certainly read more depressing things that I loved whole-heartedly (Anne Enright's The Gathering). It's something in the writing style, I think. I just got utterly desperate, quite irritable. My twitter stream is what's left of last night's spell, of which I'm now too tired to describe and be funny. I must warn you that I'm Unusual, but I think anyone reading this would have whiffed that out already. 

Quote.

"Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question. This question is one that only a very old man asks. My benefactor told me about it once when I was young, and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it. Now I do understand it. I will tell you what it is:

Does this path have a heart?

All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long, long paths, but I am not anywhere. My benefactor’s question has meaning now. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn’t. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life."

I think I've accepted the fact that I'm eccentric, that I just function differently the way other people function - with a different ethos and different needs, different requirements for happiness. And that's fine, because there is a way to be good at being eccentric - as in, there is a way to be different without feeling like you've completely failed at life - and then there's just failing to grasp at anything.
I think I've tried being 'normal' for too many years of my life - failing badly at it, and being utterly miserable at the same time. So there is nothing to do but to throw up arms and figure out a sort of system where I can still be happy.
But maybe, once in a while, life decides to lift the veil and show me how badly I'm failing to grasp at anything. That what I thought was a relatively stable platform was non-existent, and I'm actually in a sort of fall that I'm not completely aware of, occasionally trying to grasp at something.
It gives me a sort of nervous, desperate lump in the throat when I realise this eccentricity is badly taken by someone one has an innate desire to feel accepted by. That I've utterly failed at everything, that everything must fall.

What is the point behind this long, meandering journey?

This is how I roll.

Right, I've just sliced up three small-sized bananas without a chopping board, and popped them into the freezer. It is there they will nestle comfortably (I don't know, do bananas nestle comfortably in freezers?) until they're cold enough, wherefore I would pop them out of the freezer and proceed to drizzle honey on them and consume them heartily.

You may think this is the product of insanity allowed to run its natural course, but I think this is me following the spirit of Nigella and other TV cooks, or really, just about anyone fun to be around. That's it, whip up anything that comes into your mind, as long as it sounds like it would taste nice. This is the exact philosophy that underlines any invention.

Update: decided, on a whim, to add milo powder to the bananas already drizzled with honey, and the result is what I can only describe as: Homg awesome!

A question of statistics.

I took a peek at my blog stats column (because I'm a mixture of curious, narcissistic, and paranoid. Go on, sue me, haters. Only you probably technically can't because in no where have I heard of anyone being able to sue anyone for casually checking their blog stats for reasons such as curiousity, narcissism, or paranoia. I'm a law student, but admittedly it's only my second year, so I might have missed something. But the idea is still ridiculous.)

As I was saying, I took a peek at my blog stats column, and realise that, as of now, there are more people reading this from the UK than there are people reading this in Malaysia. And this odd spike happened, I think (I haven't been paying attention) after a significant amount of my friends bandied together and flock off, en masse, to settle in various old institutions with pretty buildings in the UK to study.
So a hello here to you UK people! Hope you are all healthy, happy, and having tons of fun.
Do me a favour and leave me a blog link here, if you do blog about your going-ons. At least I can have a look at what studying in UK would be like (and be mentally prepared?), while being able to live vicariously for about 10 minutes from your account of your experiences.

And people from everywhere else: of course you're much loved too. Hope that you all, too, are healthy, happy, and having fun.

- Insert obligatory blog post here -

I'm studying in front of the computer, almost convinced that I can no longer study without putting on the music video of Adele's Rolling in the Deep. Occasionally wondering if various sort of insects can stop cavorting around my table - it's a computer table, for God's sake. No food to be found here. Really.
Well, except me. In the sense that I'm usually the prime choice of food for mosquitoes. I'm caviar to the mosquito world. But those of insects I've made it a point to deliver to them a quick clap of death. That's right, fear my naked palms of speed and terrifying accuracy.
Well, it's not really your fault. You don't deserve death. Just that we're both made in such a way that it's impossible to coexist in a small space without you biting me or me wanting to kill you. Sorry. I'm looking mournfully on the floor, at one of the dead ones I killed, with sadness. Cruel, cruel world. God, you need to find a solution that doesn't involve killing insects, if you exist. I humbly suggest subsisting just by breathing alone? Saves us a lot of time too - no more wondering what to eat for lunch, or spending time eating lunch, and other various meals.
I'm sure we can find something else to do for pleasure.

[look at this - isn't this a thing of sheer beauty? The music video, the craft of the song, the vocals, all top quality stuff coming together perfectly. How can you not be inspired by something this well-made?]

Anyway, after much dithering about (I must be an expert at putting off things), I finally fired up google for some help with figuring out how to get from the Serdang KTM station to MAEPS (where they decided to have the BBW Booksale this year). And homg, what difficulty awaits. So basically, the only way I can get there is by 1. finding someone who can drive, willing to ferry me there (I suspect this is why some girls get into what seems to be completely unsatisfactory relationships: to get their boyfriends to fetch them around. But my stubborn integrity would prevent me from doing something like that, which is unfortunate in this instance) 2. taking a taxi after the Serdang station.
Of course, you can take a bus/walk, but for the bus option you have to walk at least a km.
Walking that distance with a lot of books isn't pleasant at all, and guaranteed to reduce you to a sweaty, disgruntled mess with muscle aches the next day. I don't want to risk ending up loathing otherwise stupendous booksales.

Remember the friend I haven't met in a while because of 'stupendously bad luck', and whom I'm supposed to meet on Thursday?
Bad luck and stupid timing had to stick its oars in again: something came up and I had to valiantly cancel this to babysit my brothers on Thursday.
But we're postponing this and crossing our fingers. I think we should either cook something sweet or something that has cheese in it (because those sort of food are awesome food), and I'm referring to Nigella Lawson's website to find something sweet/cheesy to cook, because Nigella is a GODDESS. Watching her cooking shows gives me the feeling akin to having a mother figure comforting you in times of distress.
It's lovely to watch even in times of non-distress, of course.
Will update you when I have anything to update you about.

X

Reminder

With my atrocious memory (or maybe I just am not trying hard enough), I shouldn't be surprised that I forgot to mention how determined (and lazy) I am to head to the Big Bad Wolf Booksale!...in Serdang.
Go adversity!

And I should stop procrastinating making digital copies of books I ought to make digital copies of (scan into computer, for you laymen out there). Tomorrow, I fervently promise. Yell at me a bit if I don't.